My Favourite Life

September 8, 2006

Sex and Intimacy

Filed under: Sex — myfavouritelife @ 5:01 pm

Men use intimacy to get sex. Women use sex to get intimacy. It’s a Venus and Mars thing. Physiologically, males experience an increase in oxytocin, a hormone that enhances bonding after they have an orgasm, not to mention prolactin and dopamine—I guess I just did. Obviously, then, the one in the room is the subject of the bonding. The more sex with that person, the more bonding—or so the theory does. Women on the other hand bond through time and intimacy. That is why most women, generally speaking—stay with me here—prefer to share intimate time and develop a relationship before having sex. It is important to remember that the other sex is wired differently than you. Don’t take it personally.

I am not sure how same sex relationships work under this reasoning. I guess the guys just like to fuck, and the women just like to cuddle. It has been well documented that lesbian relationship last longer than heterosexual relationships, and the relationships of gay men are shorter.

In the end, it is a vicious cycle: women want intimacy but need to provide sex before they get it; and men want sex but need to provide intimacy first. How do we reconcile this? Well, women tend to hold out for as long as they can when entering into a relationship. This is despite the fact that they “know” whether the will sleep with a guy within the first five or so seconds of meeting. Men exhibit intimacy through prevailing courting rituals.

Between the ages of 15 and 44, about 88% of the males in the US population have had vaginal intercourse (90% for females); 83% have have received oral sex (82% for females); and 34%% have had anal intercourse (30% for females). Incidentally, 6% have had same sex sexual relations (11% for females).
On average, a married couple has sex about 10-12 times a month—a bit more than twice a week on balance. While in general married couples have more sex than unmarried couples, this is mostly a statistical anomaly owing to the singles who get no sex whatsoever. Married couples have less sex than couples just in relationships. Sex after children diminishes further.

I guess I never did manage any continuity or cohesion in this article, but I rest comfortably knowing this isn’t the first or last time this has happened.

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  1. I’d like to know where you got the stat that women “know” within the first 2 to 5 seconds whether or not they’ll sleep with a guy. That’s not usually the case with me or a few women I spoke to regarding this post. I’ve gone on second dates where I still wasn’t sure if he was going to get “lucky.”

    I think you underestimate the ability of men to enjoy intimacy. Likewise, some women like sex for sex’s sake. I’ve been in a relationship where the guy was all about cuddling and I, on the other hand, was all about the sex. I acknowledge your overall premise that men and women are wired differently and therefore approach relationships in very opposing ways. But people are all so different. I’m merely bringing up the variances.

    Comment by V — September 8, 2006 @ 5:49 pm | Reply

  2. People have different experiences, men and women. Genarally, a women knows—not always and not every one. She knows if she would sleep with a guy, not necessarily when, and not necessarily that night. Of course some women like sex for sex sake. Even some who generally want the intimacy might want some sex with abandon now and again, and there are guys who are hopeless romantics, but these are the exceptions. As for guys, I think they know in a split second. The women like to play coy. I am also not trying to suggest that men cannot enjoy intimacy, but I don’t think for most men it is a dominant force.

    I guess my trailing question is, “why are you dating if you haven’t decided whether you would even sleep with the guy.” If he asks you out, perhaps you are being nice and really don’t know, but I don’t think this is typical. If you ask him out, I can almost guarantee you know.

    Comment by myfavouritelife — September 8, 2006 @ 6:48 pm | Reply

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