I have been married twice as I have mentioned several times here. These women were quite different when it came to sex and how the relationship was maintained. Kristen, my first wife, was a utilitarian. If she felt she was getting utility out of a situation, she would pretty much agree to it. She was also pretty lazy, so this worked to my advantage.
The way it would work is if she wanted me to do something that she otherwise should do, I could make an offer—almost always sexual in nature. She loved sex, but her preference was missionary fucking. She would have done it every day like that if I didn’t complain. In any case, I worked for a living—like most guys—and I was attending graduate school in the evenings. I had long days, and I valued my weekends. She was a stay-at-home mom who hated to do even the simplest housework.
In the evening, whether I didn’t have class, or after class, she would inevitably ask if I wouldn’t mind doing the dishes or some such. We didn’t have a dishwasher. I would tell her I was tired and ask why she hadn’t done this earlier—or in some cases the day before. Eventually, she would say something like, “I’ll let you fuck me in the ass if you do it.” Of course sometimes that would sound like a good plan, and I would agree. On the other hand, I can only do the same thing so many times. She hated sucking cock, and so I would tell her I would do it if she would give me a blowjob. She would either agree or give a counter-offer of, say, shaving her pussy. Often, she would agree but say she wouldn’t swallow, and of course that never went over well with me.
All too many times when it came time for her to pay the piper—and especially if it involved sucking cock; and even more so if she had agreed to swallow, which she almost never did— , she would welch on her deal and offer maybe anal instead, or she would suck my cock and not swallow—or she would gag when I came in her mouth, which is—pun intended—rather anticlimactic.
Grace, on the other hand is not so easily swayed by utility—at least not so blatantly. She pretty much does what she pleases at the time. It is hard to predict what she will be into on a given night—even if we had decided on something ten minutes before we started. The up side of this is spontaneity and suspense. The downside is that I might not get what I was in the mood for. But, in general, she is very open to different types of sex, which is always a plus.
At times I wish I could just bargain for what I want. Sometimes I do, but generally she decides what she wants to do. My biggest complaint is more along the lines of not having sex frequently enough, but I take what I can get.