Many people want to know how to go about having anal sex, so I decided to re-date this post. Men want to know so they can fuck their wives and girlfriends in the ass, and the women want to know how to make it more comfortable, if not pleasurable. I have spent much time in practise and have read some books that have been published on the topic. I can tell you there are women who enjoy anal sex and do it because they want it and enjoy it. I am not saying that every woman enjoys it or even that every woman would enjoy it. However, if done right, there is absolutely no reason it should be painful. Here an example of anal sex gone very wrong.
Why am writing an article explaining how to have anal sex? Basically, it is because—as I mention above—many people don’t know how to go about it, especially beginners. There are articles available that tell what to do, but some of them contradict others. I point out some of these contradictions. Here is what I know.
About 40% of woman in the US have received anal sex, and about 20% do it regularly. So while these numbers show that less than a majority of women do anal, it also means that of the 120,000,000 adult women in the United States, about 48,000,000 have done anal and 24,000,000 say they do it regularly. These are substantial numbers. The argument that it is an unusual request doesn’t hold much water.
If this is the first time she is receiving anal sex, these steps are even more important. Relax. Start slowly. Take it easy. Follow her cues. When done correctly, anal sex should not be painful—not even a little bit. If she is uncomfortable, you are doing something wrong or moving too fast. Perhaps she isn’t relaxed enough. If she drinks, let her have a glass of wine or whatever suits her fancy—Xanax or Ativan would help, too. Foreplay is even more important for anal sex than for other more typical forms of sex. She may find a little rim job to be pleasing. Start with a massage with oil. You’ll need lots of lubrication. Personally, I prefer Slippery Stuff, though a brand called Wet is fine, too. K-Y works in a pinch. Vaseline causes too much friction. This is the first contradiction to what I have read. Vaseline is a terrible lubricant for anal sex, and it breaks down latex condoms. Don’t use it unless it is the only thing you have available. Saliva would probably work better, but it isn’t that great either. Remember, the ass is not like the vagina. Although it can take a cock, it is not designed to lubricate itself. This is important and why you need to use lots of lube.
She may be tempted to use some numbing agent. I recommend you don’t. It is important that she feels what is going on down there. I can’t say this often enough, if you are doing it right, it won’t hurt, so she won’t need to numb her ass. If her ass is too numb, she might let you shove your cock in her ass before she is ready to receive it. This could cause tearing. If this happens, your chances of screwing her ass again will be a lot less. Take care of her ass, and she will take care of you. Show her you care about her ass. Even if it is for your own selfish reasons, treat her ass with care.
Anal sex can be performed in all the same ways vaginal sex can be performed: missionary, doggie, woman on top. Although woman on top would seem to provide her with the most control over speed and depth of penetration, I have found that—starting out—most woman are averse to impaling themselves on a cock. This leaves missionary and doggie—spooning works, too, but coordination comes into play, so you might want to defer this position until you and she have built up a bit more experience. I really enjoy anal penetration in a missionary position, but I feel the best position for beginners is the standard doggie style position with her head down and her ass in the air, cheeks spread and full and unimpeded access to her asshole.
I am rushing. Let me go back a bit. Before you start, you should remember some rules for having anal sex for the first time. I will list them, and then I shall explain them, were necessary.
- She should do an enema before starting—a couple of hours in advance is best.
- Go Slow
- Use Lots of Lubrication
- Wait for her cues
- No double dipping
1. Do an Enema
While this is not extremely important, it will help to make the experience less messy, and it will feel better—for both of you. Trust me on this. She should do her enema a couple of hours in advance to clean out the area. Use warm tap water. The advance time is to allow the water to work its way out of her system before you screw her ass. Don’t overdo the enemas. Don’t take more than a couple of enemas a week, even if you have anal sex more often. You may end up stripping your ass of some protective mucous lining.
I mentioned this before. You should be relaxed. It is more important that she is relaxed.
3. Go Slow
Don’t rush. Take your time. Once you have your cock in her ass and get going, she will eventually relax, and you will be able to pick up the pace.
4. Use Lots of Lubrication
Again, I recommend Slippery Stuff—lots of it. Lube your cock. Lube her ass. Don’t worry about using too much lube. It is OK to relube her ass as you get going.
5. Wait for her Cues
If she is taking a cock in her ass for the first time—and even thereafter—, listen to her. When she says stop or tells you you are going too fast, follow her cues. The first moments are crucial.
6. No Double Dipping
Once you have fucked her ass, do not put your cock into her pussy or mouth. This is unhygienic. Don’t think that because you saw Taylor Rain or some other chick do it that it is a good idea. It isn’t. If she gets an infection from double dipping, she will be out of order for a while, so even if your motives are only selfish, refrain from the temptation. Here’s a recap. mouth to pussy: OK; pussy to mouth: OK; pussy to ass: OK; mouth to ass: OK; ass to anyplace else: big no no. ‘Nuff said.
Now, where was I? She was laying face down getting a relaxing back massage with oil. You are ready to get started. More importantly, she is ready. Massage her ass. Not so fast! I said her ass, not her asshole. Kneed her ass. Relax her ass. Work the oil. Now you can work the oil down her ass crack, massaging gently. Massage her asshole with your fingers, but don’t try to insert them. Just rub gently with lots of oil. Her ass will accept your finger when it is ready. This is where you need to start using the Slippery Stuff, if you haven’t yet.
Gently apply pressure with a single well lubed finger, working it in small circles around her anus. Make sure your finger nails are trimmed. You don’t want to cut her ass. She won’t be happy, and you won’t be happy. Use latex gloves, if you wish. Eventually, her asshole will start to be relaxed enough to take in your finger. Obviously, if you have done other ass play, this won’t take as long. If she hasn’t taken anything in her ass before, please be patient. As an aside, you might want to stop here and pick up again another day—now that she has an idea of what to expect. Perhaps you could work up over a week or two until you finally go for it. The anticipation would be electric. If not, read on.
Once your finger has penetrated her ass, slowly message her asshole. Feel it’s tightness. Help it to relax. For most guys,you have to work up to something approximating the size of your cock. Hopefully, this will be more than just one finger. After a few minutes, work in a second finger. More lube would be fine, too. Work them in slowly but deeper and deeper to relax and expand her asshole. Don’t worry, her asshole (like yours) is a very elastic muscle. It won’t remain relaxed for long after you are done with sex—perhaps only the next day for a bit. It will be just as tight the next time you fuck it—though she will know better how to relax, so she will be able to exercise more control to be able to accept your cock more easily as she gains experience. This should not be confused with having a loose ass. I know many women worry about this, just as many women worry—especially younger women—that their pussies will somehow stretch out of shape with use. I promise you this is not true. I have been having regular anal sex with the same woman for over ten years, and she is no looser than when we started. My first wife and I had anal sex about twice a month for seven years. Her ass is not going to get looser, though it may take a few hours or overnight to return to its pre-fucked state.
On her cues, work your way up to three or even four fingers. Once she can relax to that point, she will likely be able to take your cock, which will presumably be quite hard by now. Even though she should be relaxed by now—if not her, then her sphincter anyway. Position your cock at the entrance of her ass. I like to prime myself by taking a few strokes in her pussy, but this is optional. Did I mention to use more lube? Gobs of it. I also recommend that she either uses a vibrator on her clit or uses her fingers. If she is like most other women I know, she will have the best orgasms she has ever experienced this way.
My cock is circumcised, so the head is bigger than the rest. Push it in slowly. It is not like a pussy. Listen to her cues. Once you feel the pop of your head being swallowed by her ass, stop and allow her to adjust. If your cock is average or above average in length, her ass will not be used to taking in anything do deep. Again, procede slowly.
It won’t take that long for her as to adjust to your cock. You will feel her ass loosening. Remember the ass is not a pussy, the sensation will be different for both you and her. If if wasn’t different, why would you bother. The pussy sort of engulfs your cock all the way down the shaft, but most of the contact between her ass and your cock is at the opening. This is important because most of the sensation in your cock is based around the head, which won’t get much sensation. The good thing about this is that without so much direct stimulation, you should last a lot longer, which should give you more time to build up to a strong orgasm. Speaking of orgasm, when you are ready to cum, it is a matter of personal preference where to squirt. For me, her ass is the best place. If she or you don’t prefer that, well, pull out and put it where you both agree is OK. She has probably cum at least once along the way. If not, let her get herself off.
When you are finished, you will have to clean up. For us, we put down an old sheet just in case the enema wasn’t as effective as it should have been. Wipe up, and take a shower, taking special care to wash her ass and pussy, your cock, under your fingernails, and anything else that might have come in contact with her ass along the way.
There you have it. Of course every experience is different. This isn’t a rote exercise, but if you follow this basic pattern, you will both have a nice anal sex experience. Once you have done this a few times, you can experiment with new positions and possibly anal sex toys—though I am not big into toys, myself. If you have any questions, this is where to find me. If you have anything to add, please feel free to comment. Good luck.