My Favourite Life

October 24, 2006

Blowjob Follow-up

Filed under: Blowjobs,Fellatio,oral sex,Sex — myfavouritelife @ 6:00 am

I was corresponsing via email regarding my post on blowjobs, and I am rewording my response to create this blog entry. She asked why she couldn’t seem to get some guys to cum through oral sex but it hadn’t been a problem with other guys. Here is an open response along those lines.

Two times in my life I haven’t been able to cum when I otherwise should have been able (and once I came WAY too quickly. I think I wrote about it in my blog a while back). The first time was when a woman I was dating—and with whom I had not yet had sex offered me unreciprocated head (in a setting where we could have easily been discovered). I accepted her offer, but I couldn’t cum even though I was able to maintain an erection the whole time. In this case, it was pretty obvious to me I was too nervous to relax enough to release. The other time I mention in my blog about Shelly. I was getting a BJ and—mostly—we were fucking. We had sex for over half an hour, and it just wouldn’t happen. I didn’t feel too nervous, but perhaps I was. After a while, I did become rather discouraged. I won’t mention the too-fast incident. 😦

Then I asked these questions, but I’ll elaborate a bit more here.

Does he think you don’t really want to do it? If not, he could be anxious to push you or offend you. This is remniscent of the Madonna/whore schism. I think this can affect the guy’s state of mind.

What was your experience with the guys with whom you successfully pleasured them orally in the past? I would venture to say it probably wasn’t a turn off because (1) you did it more than once, (2) you did it to more than one guy, and (3) you are asking to do it again. Does he know you have done this before? Does he know you don’t mind doing it?

My wife dated a guy who did not want her to give him oral sex or anal sex. As I have mentioned many times in this blog, she knew exactly how to give head. She recieved anal sex from him once and sucked his cock a couple of times. To give perspective, this was over a ten year span. As this scenario played out, he had nothing against oral or anal sex. She discovered after ten years that her partner was bisexual. He reserved these pleasures for men. Once she found out he was into guys and had been all along, she dumped him. Unsafe sex was not her idea of a good time. I am not suggesting this is the problem here, but I am merely poining out my experiences.

What do you expect to do when he comes? Will you allow him to come in your mouth? Are you planning to spit or swallow? Again, these can be important. Even if you are willing to suck his cock, it doesn’t follow that you will react favourably to his ejaculation. He may anxious about this. You need to walk him through the process and tell him what you will be doing, and how you will finish the job. He may be too nervous. That would be his issue.

Here is the advice part you can take or leave. I recommend giving him a handjob until he comes. Alternate between your mouth and your hand. You might even try using your hand on the shaft while you suck his cock. If not—my first wife never could get that coordinated—, alternate. Judge his acceptance. If he reacts unfavourably when you take his cock into your mouth, just focus on your hand. At the moment you know he is ready to explodes—or when he starts to ejaculate, if you missed the cues—, take his cock in your mouth to show him how willing you are if you are indeed willing to do this. In education there is a concept called scaffolding. This is where you set up a student for success. You set up a situation where it is virtually impossible to fail. This is scaffolding.

One thing I have done is to do is to pull out of my wife’s pussy when we are screwing, and cum in her mouth. I wouldn’t recommend this, though, because it takes a bit of coordination, but it is an alternative.

Another idea is to go down on him in the wee hours of the morning from out of nowhere. Just start sucking. My wife did this to me just the other week, and I was half way there before I came to my senses.

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