So, after my recent post on rape, my wife and I had a discussion. She doesn’t know I post here, and the topic did not start out about rape. Anyone who reads my blog regularly knows I feel I get the short shrift when it comes to sex. It was this that started the discussion, and it went something like this.
My wife told me I should be more communicative and “romantic” if I wanted more sex plus I should be more proactive—forceful. She mentioned a person we both know and said, ” I bet he get sex from his wife whenever he wants because he just takes it. That’s what you need to do.” As I have mentioned, I am pretty sensitive about rape, and this sounds to me like marital rape, so I had to inquire further.
I told her that I respected her as a woman, and she responded that she wants a strong man—one who knows what he wants and just takes it. She said if I want sex more often, I should just skip the foreplay, which I enjoy immensely, and just go for it. She said if she were me she would just cuddle to gauge her level of interest. If that doesn’t work, she would more aggressively start fondling her. If that didn’t work, she would get some lubricate, lube up and slip it in. Again, I believe this is rape, so I told her so. She said if it is rape, then I should rape her.
Now that is great for straight sex. Does that work for anal sex? What about oral sex? After all, that’s more work for her unless I just fuck her face. And if I am fucking her face anyway, then does that cover deepthroat? What if I want her to be shaven. I can’t do that by myself. You should see my point by now.
I guess I should also say she has rape fantasies—cop fantasies and rape fantasies, sometimes both. Is she just trying to get me to play into that? She has made subtle references and requests about these in the past, but I just took in the information without acting on it. I am not really in to role playing.
Anyway, I am writing this perhaps to get another woman’s perpective. I commented on a poem that I thought was over the top one way, but I think her comments are over the top the other way. I’d like to hear other perspectives on this either here or by email. I think there is a middle ground to these positions.