My Favourite Life

November 13, 2006

Revisiting Rape

Filed under: Anal Sex,Blowjobs,clean shaven,cunnilingus,deepthroat,Fellatio,oral sex,Pussy,Sex,shaven — myfavouritelife @ 6:00 am

So, after my recent post on rape, my wife and I had a discussion. She doesn’t know I post here, and the topic did not start out about rape. Anyone who reads my blog regularly knows I feel I get the short shrift when it comes to sex. It was this that started the discussion, and it went something like this.

My wife told me I should be more communicative and “romantic” if I wanted more sex plus I should be more proactive—forceful. She mentioned a person we both know and said, ” I bet he get sex from his wife whenever he wants because he just takes it. That’s what you need to do.” As I have mentioned, I am pretty sensitive about rape, and this sounds to me like marital rape, so I had to inquire further.

I told her that I respected her as a woman, and she responded that she wants a strong man—one who knows what he wants and just takes it. She said if I want sex more often, I should just skip the foreplay, which I enjoy immensely, and just go for it. She said if she were me she would just cuddle to gauge her level of interest. If that doesn’t work, she would more aggressively start fondling her. If that didn’t work, she would get some lubricate, lube up and slip it in. Again, I believe this is rape, so I told her so. She said if it is rape, then I should rape her.

Now that is great for straight sex. Does that work for anal sex? What about oral sex? After all, that’s more work for her unless I just fuck her face. And if I am fucking her face anyway, then does that cover deepthroat? What if I want her to be shaven. I can’t do that by myself. You should see my point by now.

I guess I should also say she has rape fantasies—cop fantasies and rape fantasies, sometimes both. Is she just trying to get me to play into that? She has made subtle references and requests about these in the past, but I just took in the information without acting on it. I am not really in to role playing.

Anyway, I am writing this perhaps to get another woman’s perpective. I commented on a poem that I thought was over the top one way, but I think her comments are over the top the other way. I’d like to hear other perspectives on this either here or by email. I think there is a middle ground to these positions.

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  1. I don’t think sex is always about the pleasure I get. Its knowing that I am wanted and needed. Its about closeness. Its about giving and taking.

    I am very willing to have sex even if I am not really turned on and will not orgasm. As long as I am well lubricated.

    Its not rape because I did not stop you, I did not say no – and because I have given you permission before hand. Good communication means that when I really don’t want it I should be able to communicate that with you so that it does not turn into rape.

    The fact is our libidos are different. I feel that by opening myself to you its a gift I am willing to give – your acceptance of that and the closeness we experience in the act of sex is all that I need at that moment.

    Sometimes I even end up been turned on by been taken so unexpectedly. I feel ravished.

    Comment by flowerdamozel — November 13, 2006 @ 11:37 pm | Reply

  2. […] Only yesterday, I made a post I had with my wife that led to my wondering if my wife wanted to be raped, particularly by me. I had written it before the weekend. Well, I revisited the topic with her when she wasn’t in the same mood. I was left in the air because I didn’t believe she meant what she said, but rather she said it when she was angry. So I sent her an email summarising the earlier conversation—pretty much what I posted yesterday—, to which she responded, “I though we already resolved this”—but nothing more. I was left thinking, what exactly was resolved and what was the resolution. Sometimes she complains about my lack of communication, but this is what I am left with, and I need it to be clarified. When I got home, I continued the conversation. It went something like this. […]

    Pingback by Revisiting Revisiting « My Favourite Life — November 14, 2006 @ 6:21 am | Reply

  3. Flower Damozel,

    It’s funny. I am not sure if it is a woman thing, but you pretty much describe my wife’s perspective, and she only asks that I use lubrication, which makes sense. I enjoy giving a woman an orgasm, so it is a bit of a let down when I don’t get to do that, but I do get to give her an orgasm some 99% of the time. If for some reason she feels she won’t cum under normal conditions, she will let me know that she thinks it will take too long, and she will break out her trusty vibrator. This is a little bit of a let down for me, but I understand, and that doesn’t happen too often either. I hate it when women fake. I think I’ll post on that one of these days.

    I give my take on sex and intimacy in a previous post including the Mars-Venus thing, which I think is very real. Another thing is that when we do have sex, even if she wasn’t in the mood to beging with, she gernerally does get into the mood. The downside of this is if I have already cum inside her, I am less ambitious about giving her head, and I tend to stay up at her clit and avoid her entrance, which is typically a focus of mine especially after she cums.

    In any case, she, too, feels sex is a gift and that frequent sex diminishes the value of it. I don’t agree, but that is still another Mars-Venus thing.

    Comment by myfavouritelife — November 14, 2006 @ 9:07 am | Reply

  4. Nancy Friday wrote in her 1973 classic My Secret Garden, “Rape does for a woman’s sexual fantasy what the first martini does for her in reality: Both relieve her of responsibility and guilt. . . . She gets him to do what she wants him to do, while seeming to be forced.” Every woman I spoke with echoed this idea. But fantasizing about rape does not mean a woman wants to be raped. That should be obvious, but isn’t always.

    Comment by Authentic Woman — November 29, 2006 @ 3:10 am | Reply

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