My wife and I have discussed the speciality of sex and different kinds of sex. I am not sure if this is universally a woman’s perspective, but I read Tender’s post about her willing behind, and she says, talking about anal sex:
“Right now it’s really only like once every 3-6 months, but once a month seems desirable. I don’t want it to be too frequent and risk becoming not as special or exciting, because it’s fun to have something saved for special occasions. Right now when we have anal sex there is an extra special intimacy between us during and after that I enjoy.”
Now, I prefer it more frequently than that. As I commented on her blog entry, once a month is pretty well enough to keep me satisfied, and more than every other week would be too much. But this is not my topic here.
I want to focus on the “becoming not as special or exciting” aspect. My wife tells me she doesn’t want sex every day because of the risk of sex becoming run of the mill an not special. I don’t really care about having sex on a daily basis, but the point is about the speciality.
My wife drinks coffee every morning. This is just one of the many ritual behaviours she does everyday. She has done this for over thirty years. Yet, she doesn’t worry that this repetition will somehow make her enjoy these things any less. I don’t see how having sex every day would make it less special.
Another thing my wife has a problem with is my desire for variety—for things like anal and oral sex. She asks, “Why is it that I made it 40-odd years without anybody caring about having anal sex with me, and yet you feel it is important? Why did I go 30-odd years without anybody even asking me for anal sex? I didn’t even know women had anal sex. I could like the rest of my life having only regular intercourse, and I would be fine with it.”
She had had anal sex twice before we met—with mixed results. She knew when we met this was an interest of mine. We had anal sex within the first week of our getting together; twice, in fact. But that is a different story. Now that we are married, it comes less frequently.
In any case, the variety does keep things interesting. Variety is the spice of life.
Hmmm… I am not sure where I was going with this. I guess I just wanted to comment on Tender ‘n’ Fine.