I was reading a new blog entry from Tender n Fine, and it got my mind working. People swing for different reasons. I have had two swinging relationships, so I can only present my perspective. If you have read through this blog, you already know this. I know some people defend the lifestyle, but I may consider that in the same vein as Shakespeare’s quote in Hamlet, “The lady doth protest too much, methinks.”
My first encounter was at the end of my first marriage. We hadn’t quite thrown in the towel, but the writing was on the wall. With everything so topsy-turvy, I decided to salvage what I could. We didn’t go out to swing clubs. Instead we used the internet and such to make connexions. We had threesomes and foursomes, not to mention the D/s play.
She and I had different agendas. Neither of us made the true agenda known to the other. Me, I just wanted to get more and varied sex—both from my wife and other women. She just wanted to find a new wallet. (So, OK, I am a bit jaded here.) Generally, she was the bait: a cute 25-year-old woman on a mission. It worked, and it was good while it lasted.
We did MFM, FMF, and MFMF. We couldn’t quite pull off the MMMF or the MFFF, but we did try. Anyway, my point is the hidden agendas.
My second encounter was with a woman I didn’t really care too much for. We had sex, and she was gainfully employed—unlike my first wife. I met her when looking for swinging partners. She was not very attractive and a bit overweight. I overlooked these things because she loved anal sex and could deepthroat. Even better is that she knew she was not very attractive, so she was constantly hooking us up with her friends. She was hoping this would be enough enticement to keep me hanging around. It wasn’t. I did get to have sex with her regular circle of friends, though—some of whom were quite attractive.
She was a nurse who worked 3 12 hour shifts a week. She was married at the time and told her husband she worked 5 nights a week (plus she had girls’ nights out). She spent these other nights out on the town, fucking and sucking into the wee hours. When I hooked up with her, I just went along for the ride. We did expand our circle and I got her hooked up with other women for a change, but, hey, I am a guy.
Again: hidden agendas. She was hoping to keep me around, and I was just looking for sexual assortment and biding my time.
The ending of both of these stories is similar: In the first case, my wife fond someone she fancied (and has been remarried for almost 14 years to this guy), and I spent some time with the nurse, who divorced her husband along the way after she thought she found something better in me—though against my arguments otherwise. In this second case, we hooked up with one of her co-workers; she was a nursing instructor, too. I ended up migrating to the co-worker, to whom I have now been happily married for about 12 years—despite my occasional bitching here.
My wife knows my history and has asked (though it’s been years) if I feel I miss this lifestyle. I don’t. She spent several years having only female-female sex, so she sometimes comments on missing that—particularly, she misses being able to eat pussy—, but we don’t pursue that. It does make for nice fantasy and pillow talk, though.
Not every swinging experience needs to end like these, but I do feel compelled to post these firsthand cautionary tales, and I wish Tender and Fine the best. Most of all: thanks for sharing.